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I went back to work full time three weeks ago and I’ve hated every minute of it. Maybe it’s the mom guilt, but I hate leaving Landon with someone else even though he’s in the hands of two incredible people. I am awful at meal planning, so usually I struggle to put a nutritious dinner on the table (lucky for me, my husband will eat grilled chicken salad every night if he has to), and then by the time all is said and done I have no desire to go for a run or to CrossFit because the mom guilt rears it’s ugly head again and says “you should be home with your baby.” I haven’t had a manicure in weeks months and neglect to paint my own nails, mainly because they won’t dry in time for me to pump or change a diaper. And I’m sweetly reminded of that every time a friend comments that they are “shocked” my nails aren’t done.
I went to my closet to get dressed the other day and just stared at everything for a good five minutes. Of time I really don’t have. And I just wanted to cry because putting together a cute outfit required more energy than I really had at that moment. To which I then threw on a pair of Lululemons, a baggy tee, and my Converse.
And that’s when I decided I really need to start doing more for me. I love my son, he is the highlight of my day, every day. I miss him when he’s sleeping. I soak in every minute of him while he’s awake. But I feel like I’ve lost myself a little, naturally, being caught up with life as a new mom. And I need to learn that it’s okay to want to get a manicure, or go for a run. Or to order take out on nights I just don’t feel like cooking.
I think new moms put a lot of pressure on themselves to be the picture of “perfect.” The pretty, fit mom who cooks and cleans while wearing a cute outfit and changing a diaper at the same time, all “I am woman, hear me ROAR.” I am one of those moms. But I am not perfect. My hair isn’t always done. My nails aren’t always painted. And sometimes I burn dinner. I need to start embracing the imperfections. And finding my balance.
I say all of this because at one point I debated to stop blogging because of the time involved. And also, probably because I put pressure on myself to make this blog my idea of successful. Because it’s not “perfect.” But I realized that this blog is a happy place of mine. I’ve been blogging since 2010. It’s like my creative diary, and I want to be able to look back on it years from now and relive my shared experiences. And I want to stop being so afraid of what people think about my posts, and I want to show you all the real, imperfect ME.
So my blog is getting a makeover. Name and all. I’ll still be blogging about DIY and vintage home decor because those are passions of mine. But I’m adding my other passions to the mix. And you’ll be seeing the real me, imperfections and all. Because I love my perfectly imperfect life….and I need to embrace the rust as well as the lace. It’s a step closer to helping me find balance in this beautiful life I’ve been blessed with.
Hang on tight Lauren, you will find what works best for you and your family. I went through this phase as well, and you’ll learn to roll with the punches and find a place for yourself. If it makes you feel better, the first years are the hardest as Landon will take a lot of your time, but it gets easier. I am not the person I used to be when I was working in an office, now that I am a busy mom, I have made a point of putting on make-up everyday and sticking to a workout schedule, these are my basics goals!!! The meal planning was never a thing of mine and now that the boys are busy with after school activities, I usually think about dinner 5 minutes before it’s time to cook.
I think a lot of mothers are trying to put up a good front, taking their kids to all sort of activities, cooking them nutritious gourmet meals, being 100% involved with their school work and volunteering all the while looking perfect every day of the week! I am sorry, but this does not appeal to me. As much as I want to be a good mother, I don’t want to devote my heart and soul to my children. I’d like them to be independent and respectful of who I am and what I can do. My boys know that mommy likes to run and that she needs it. So when I leave on the weekend and disappear for a few hours it’s okay. I’ll come back home all sweaty but a much better person.
Don’t loose yourself in the whole “mom” thing. Go get your nails done, go for a run or to cross-fit when you can and I assure you, you’ll be a much happier human being. Your husband and child will also benefit from it 🙂
Oh Caroline. Thank you so much for this. Sometimes it’s like we need to hear it’s okay to actually believe it’s okay! I agree with you 100%…I want to be a great mom, but I need time to myself! Happy mom = happy baby. I’m working out this week! xo
You got this girl! I definitely don’t think you are alone in feeling like this. Heck, I feel like it and I’m not a mom! It’s a chore to keep our lives “together” or at least looking like it from the outside. Just relax and make sure you take time for yourself!
Wonderful post. Thank you for being REAL! I just came across your blog yesterday, kinda by accident (via pinterest) and its been a pleasure to read. I am expecting my first & currently in my second tri and it hasn’t been easy. I have loved being able to look back and read your pregnancy posts – especially your birth story, along with all your fitness posts. Thank you for sharing ALL these experiences. For me, it gives me inspiration and hope, so thank you! 🙂 keep it up!
Great to see you incorporating changes with the blog and most importantly with your routine. Hope it goes smoothly and you enjoy the transition!
🙂
You go, girl! Being real and authentic is exactly what God calls us to be – may your authenticity continue to be a great blessing to your readers, for God’s glory!
Hey Lauren,
I stumbled upon your blog a little while ago, and then just read this post and thought it may resonate with you – http://www.healthytippingpoint.com/2013/10/looking-back-breastfeeding.html
I know you were having issues earlier on (hope they are better now!) and feeling guilty about it- but you are doing everything you can for your baby!! Whatever you find that works for you to find your balance are exactly that -YOUR choices, no guilt required! xoxo
I was wondering if you’ve posted about going back to work after baby. I get 3 months maternity leave and then have to return to work. The thought of it is crushing me!! Just wondering how your transition went and what made things easier.
I just love this post! I just started following you on INstagram and am loving your feed. I totally agree with you about being imperfect. There are so many people that post pics of everything perfect, we all know it’s not. you are so refreshing!!!!
That’s so sweet of you to say!!! I try to keep it real on here 😉 Thanks for following along!
Lauren, I couldn’t sleep and was reading through your archives when I came across this post. I almost started crying because it resonated with me so much. I don’t have a baby, but I have a lot of other really hard things going on + trying to make my blog successful. I’ve totally stopped having any me-time, which I’m trying to remedy. And I know I’ve been putting too much pressure on myself with the blog and I have so many days that I feel like quitting. I admire you so much with what you’ve achieved, how long you’ve done it for, the balance you’ve been able to maintain, and how honest you always are. I can’t believe that even you had a day that you felt like quitting. I am so so grateful that you didn’t quit and you kept going. And I’m grateful you put this post out in the universe (and kept it there!) because almost 4 years later, it was exactly what I needed to read and you totally inspired me.