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Lauren McBride

Fashion

Printed Shorts and Thoughts on Weaning

June 4, 2014

Printed Shorts, Sarah Wells Bag

Printed Shorts, Sarah Wells Bag

Printed Shorts, Sarah Wells Bag

Printed Shorts, Sarah Wells Bag Printed Shorts, Sarah Wells Bag

Printed Shorts, Sarah Wells Bag   Printed Shorts, Sarah Wells Bag

Hat: Target
Top: H&M (similar)
Shorts: Nordstrom
Sandals: Target (similar)
Sunglasses: Ray-Ban
Bag: c/o Sarah Wells Bags
Earrings: Stella & Dot

This week has been a hard week. And it’s only Wednesday. Let’s just talk about how my baby is ONE on Friday. One. All week I’ve been thinking about that final week of pregnancy. How uncomfortable I was, but never complaining because I was so grateful to even be pregnant. I was a ball of nerves anticipating his arrival, but oh so happy to have made it full term. I remember that final night before my water broke, trying to adjust in bed because my belly just felt so heavy, and thinking…how is there any room even left for him? Little did I know!

I’m also getting ready to wean. Friday marks ONE YEAR of pumping. I’ve made it to my ultimate goal. It’s so bittersweet, and I’m having a hard time accepting the fact that this part of my life is ending. It’s something I’ve hated so incredibly much, but also found kind of soothing, in way, because it made me feel needed and like a rockstar mom. So, my emotions are all over the place. I know I technically don’t have to wean, but I believe I need to. I plan on doing it slowly, but I know no matter how slow I go, it will still be difficult.

I remember the first two weeks of Landon’s life like they were yesterday, trying so hard to breast feed and just crying through the pain. Not understanding what was happening and why it was so hard. As time went on and I was forced to initiate the bottle, he started favoring the bottle more and more. He favored it so much, in fact, that any time I would put him in a position to nurse, he would scream. I was pretty convinced there was no worse feeling of rejection than when you try to nurse your baby and they refuse. That feeling sat with me for months, and broke me down as a new mom. Especially a new mom who’s heart was so set on direct feeding. Somewhere along the line though, that feeling changed.There’s something special about bottle feeding that not everyone may understand, unless you’re an EPer. Every night before bed, I warm a bottle for Landon. We sit in our special chair, and I rock while I feed him his last bottle of the day. He stares into my eyes so deeply that you can just feel the love radiating from them. An expression comes across his face where he slowly blinks his eyes as he drinks, almost like he is saying, “This is SO good Mom. Thank you.” And it’s that face, that expression, that LOVE that is making weaning so emotional. Because for a year, I’ve put my all into something so difficult, something that I thought for sure I would never be able to do, and yet I’ve succeeded. I managed to do it without a lick of formula, all on my own. I feel blessed to have been able to make it this far, as I can think of many times I wanted to just give up. So…I’ll take my time.

I hope I can make it through his birthday without too many tears. Check back on Friday for a post devoted to my boy. πŸ™‚

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Comments

  1. Sarah says

    June 4, 2014 at 10:49 pm

    I can totally relate. And thought you really captured the complex feelings of any breastfeeding mom, but especially of exclusively pumping. I hated it too. but i also am glad i did it and felt proud of every drop. weaning was hard. hang in there. i’ll be thinking about you my friend!

    Reply
  2. Rachel says

    June 28, 2014 at 9:19 am

    When you finish weaning, could you Post a schedule of how you did it. There is not a lot of infoRmation out there for Epers. My story is similar to yours in some ways…baby #3 refused to nurse after a week in the NICU. I’ve made it to 4.5 months and going strong at 7 pumps. Thanks for all your information on pumping.

    Reply
    • Lauren McBride says

      June 28, 2014 at 8:13 pm

      Giiiiirl, keep up the fantastic work!!!! I can definitely do a post on how I’m weaning! I noticed there wasn’t a lot of info either :/ Stay tuned! Hoping to be weaned in the next few weeks, we had some issues with milk and had to make some adjustments!

      Reply
  3. Casey says

    July 26, 2014 at 6:30 am

    Thank you so much for this honest post – I had tears in my eyes reading about your mummy guilt in those early days. My daughter was 6 weeks early and spent 4 and a half weeks in the special care nursery struggling to breastfeed. We finally got to four full feeds in a day and they let us home where it all fell apart. She was still so little (under 4 pound!) and didn’t have enough energy to breastfeed completely which broke my heart. She is now 9 weeks old and we only attempt one breastfeed a day with nipple shields and all of her other feeds are expressed breast milk. Reading your post makes me hopeful that we too can reach one year of pumping and bottle feeding!!! Thank you =)

    Reply
    • Lauren McBride says

      August 2, 2014 at 10:34 pm

      I’m so glad I can give you hope! You can do it mama! Just remember that, even on those days you just want to through in the towel! You’re doing great! <3

      Reply
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